~Welcome to my personal story as a first time wife and stepmom. I use this space to share real life happenings in a blended family, funny stories, my personal frustrations, failures, and occasional victories as I journey through this life with two beautiful and challenging stepdaughters. Thanks for reading, and I hope you find something to help you have a better day!~

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

What I've learned...

I learned something this week--hopefully for the last time!


No matter what.

Even if you feel you need to be heard.

Even if you are just defending your husband.

No matter what she did.

No matter how bad it is.

No matter if you feel she needs to understand your hurt.

No matter if it kills you to keep quiet.


Just stop opening your mouth. Just drive the kids around and keep the house clean and food in their bellies. That's it.

It will just get turned around and explode in your face EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

You can't ever win with a manipulative narcissist.


Friday, June 3, 2016

Manipulation--Playing Dirty

Previously, I mentioned that there has been very little communication with bio mom and stepdad lately--since they moved. Well, the last few weeks of school, we had to see them and be pleasant and act like we're all great friends for 4 or 5 different events, recitals, etc. That caused some major stress! Still they carefully avoided me and spoke only to hubby J for whatever reason. Maybe he's less threatening than I am. And then the summer schedule began.

I made it very clear when distributing the calendars with camp and activity info that I could no longer do both drop off and pick up for the girls (as I have been taken advantage to do for the past 3 years because stepdad's mom is too lazy to ever come get them.) With the huge distance factor now, I wanted to stand up for myself and set boundaries. I'll pick up on our days. You pick up on your days--as it should be. Of course, I got no response.

So the first two times now that they should have come to pick up (once the grandma, once bio mom), they have called Jane and had her ask me to take them to meet half way. Seriously?? Why put Jane in the middle of this? Now if I say no, I look like the "mean, unwilling to be flexible and help out" person. And there's ALWAYS a sob story attached like "Well we just want to have time to eat lunch with your stepdad, and if I come all the way to get you, we won't have time." So if I say no, now I'm preventing them having lunch together. It's just outright low and dirty manipulation. Have the courage to call and ask me myself. Don't use your child to get your way. I feel as if Jane and I are just puppets on the ends of her strings. I want to scream "YOU'RE THE IDIOT THAT MOVED AN HOUR AWAY. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID SOB STORIES OF WHY YOU CAN'T COME PICK UP YOUR KIDS! DON'T TRY TO GUILT TRIP ME INTO HELPING OUT WITH THE INCONVENIENCES THAT YOU CAUSED!!!!"

I need to figure out a way before next time to say no without looking bad to Jane and Kate. They see what I do for them. They know I've done all the driving for the past 3 years. I hope they will understand that I can't let people walk all over me, even when those are people they love.