Greater Joy, Greater Pain

"Kids say the darndest things." Isn't that the truth? Some things are profoundly more amusing as a step parent. Here's some things Kate has said in the past couple weeks:

"I'm so glad I don't have a wicked stepmom like Cinderella and Snow White did."

"I'm happy Daddy found you. It would be awful if I had a Mom and Dad at one house and just a Dad at the other house. Daddy is probably glad he found you too so he wouldn't have to pay a maid or babysitter anymore."

"You're the best mom ever. I would never want anyone else. You're pretty, and you love me, and Daddy loves you, and you take care of me. We really needed you when it was just Daddy and us. He couldn't ever fix my hair right!"

"I'm going to live with you until I'm 30. Then I'm going to buy the house next door to you. And if you and Daddy retire to live on an island like you say you are, then I'll live on the island with you. My husband will be there to take care of my kids and drive them around, but I'm staying with you. Wherever you move, I'm going too." Okay, Kate. Whatever you say! =)

These little things she says just make my day! Isn't it ironic how the more you love someone, the greater the joy they can bring you? But with that, the greater pain you feel in disappointments.

I love their innocent perspectives now as children, but a fear of mine is what their perspectives will be as adults. Will I just be "daddy's wife", or "that really strict stepmom we had growing up"? An even greater fear is, what will happen to me if something happens to J? I know I shouldn't think like that, but sometimes, I go there. I will no longer have kids or anyone close to me. Yeah, I was right--shouldn't think about that. Total downer.

Anyway, my method is to treasure each special moment I have with them now, so I can draw on the memories later to get me through the darker moments.

A Never-ending List

Being a stepmom requires a lot of patience and the ability to step back and look at the bigger picture. Sometimes I get so consumed with tiny day-to-day details that I miss watching these children grow up right in front of our eyes. As I am going through this experience, I have noticed the need to remind myself of certain things over and over. We all KNOW these things, but it takes constant reminding to actually put them into practice. Perhaps you can relate:

1. Look for the good in all situations... yes, even with the ex.

2. Don't worry about what I cannot control. Let it be.

3. Work on bettering myself, instead of trying to fix or find fault with everyone around me.

4. Accept my own short comings. I am not perfect. Don't expect others to be perfect either.

5. Look at the bigger picture. Does it really matter if they forgot to bring something back that I bought them? Will it matter 6 months from now?

6. The kids WILL turn out okay!! They are surrounded by love and have all their needs and wants met. Don't sweat the small stuff....

7. My priority is my husband. Don't lose sight of that with all this "mom" stuff. The kids need me to be a good wife to their daddy first and foremost.

8. Set a good example--in maturity, attitude, positivity, honesty, love, kindness, etc... They watch what I do more than they listen to what I say.

9. Let them be kids! Relax and stop being so demanding.

10. Focus on making our home loving and fun. Don't get consumed with the dynamics of their mom's home life, and don't make anything between our blended families a competition.

11. Go back through numbers 1 through 10 again!

Feel free to add your own reminders!