~Welcome to my personal story as a first time wife and stepmom. I use this space to share real life happenings in a blended family, funny stories, my personal frustrations, failures, and occasional victories as I journey through this life with two beautiful and challenging stepdaughters. Thanks for reading, and I hope you find something to help you have a better day!~

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

And the Battles Continue...

There has been unspoken tension between our house and bio mom's house regarding Jane's high school choice for the past year. The "unspoken" part is really the main cause of the tension. No one would talk about it. Jane would tell us she wanted one thing and tell her mom she wanted something else because she thought those were the schools WE wanted instead of voicing what SHE wanted. The divorce decree states that public school district is decided by the mother's residence. If the child is to go to private school, the father must agree and pay for it. So, Jane went on all the high school tours with her 8th grade class, and would give us feedback from the schools, both public and private. Then we found out that bio mom was sending her to all these extra private school tours and signing her up for Charter school consideration without our knowledge. Over halfway through the 8th grade, bio mom had still never brought up the subject, voiced her opinion about high school, nothing. We were left in the total dark just relying on tiny bits of info Jane would give us. Other parents would ask us where she was going, and we never knew. So finally hubby J brought it up and made it clear he was not agreeing to or paying for private school, so she will be going to the public school in their district--Clark. Ok, so that was out there. Then they tried to move over to a different school district that is really close to Kate's school, so it wouldn't be a problem for us, but that fell through. So in March, we went to the parent meeting at Clark, filled out all the forms, signed Jane up for volleyball, sat through 3 hours of talking and info (which bio mom didn't even bother to show up to). Every time we mentioned high school to Jane though or brought up different programs they offered, or showed her the paperwork on theater and music and sports, she would act uncomfortable and walk away. We thought she may just be nervous.

Well, finally the bombshell dropped. With no communication or warning whatsoever, they sold their house and moved to a school district at least 30 miles away from us. It was already a done deal by the time they told us. Okay, I have so many problems with this--but first, the school district is not one of them. This high school is the smallest public high school in town, which is probably good for Jane. It is 1/4 the size of the one she would have gone to. They have good academic and sports programs--all of that is totally fine with us. The problem is how terribly inconsiderate it was to not even warn us. The second problem is that they obviously told the girls to keep it a secret. Hubby J has never, ever, EVER had them keep ANYTHING from their mother. They are free to tell her whatever they want about what we do, what we've done, what we're planning. I don't think any child should be asked to keep a secret from the parent. It's just not right. My third problem is that from where we live, in morning traffic, it will take at least an hour and a half to get to Jane's high school. Seriously! They will have to get up SO early! Every day she's at our house, she'll be that far away from new friends and start resenting staying with us.

So the obvious conclusion is we have to move too. We were planning to move soon anyway, but now we have to go in a completely different area than we wanted. And we can't get it done before the school year starts, so we'll have to deal with long commutes for probably the first half of her freshman year. It just doesn't seem fair, but life never is.

Want to hear the real kicker? Bio mom had a total FIT--and I do mean total dramatic immature FIT--when we mentioned once that Jane should at least just TOUR the high school in our district to see what she thought. Of course, they only lived 10 miles away, and she was so infuriated that we would even mention something that would be SO OUT OF THE WAY for her. Then she moves somewhere that makes me have a 3-hour round trip just for drop off or pick up? Un-freakin-believable!!!