~Welcome to my personal story as a first time wife and stepmom. I use this space to share real life happenings in a blended family, funny stories, my personal frustrations, failures, and occasional victories as I journey through this life with two beautiful and challenging stepdaughters. Thanks for reading, and I hope you find something to help you have a better day!~

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

I wish I just didn't care

Please understand that my husband J is VERY sweet and considerate and loving. He takes great care of me. He loves me so completely even when I'm awful and grumpy and annoying. He would do anything to make me happy. So this post is not an attack on him. There are some feelings we have that men just have absolutely NO IDEA about. There are some things that bother us that have never even crossed their minds. My hurt feelings were not directed towards him. Just at myself for caring.

So we passed another Mother's Day. Yay. The past few years J has gotten me a card from the dog or a little gift from himself, but he's never had the girls do anything for me. Kate has always made me a card or sign or picture. Jane has only ever sent me a text. In his mind, I'm not their mother, so that's that. Last year, I voiced my feelings a little--what I thought was enough of a hint for this year--and said, "I hope this isn't from the dog again, and you actually let the girls sign it." But I guess my message didn't get through. He took me on a trip last year over Mother's Day to get me away from all the fabricated hype, and we did that again this year. Our last night all together--Thursday before Mother's Day--I thought they may give me a card or something, but no. We went to bed that night and nothing. I finally said to him that I wished they would at least acknowledge me in some small way. Maybe a card or they can just write a note or something. I made it clear I'm not asking for a gift, just some acknowledgment that I do serve in the capacity of a mother to these girls. Well, of course he felt awful that they didn't do anything. Like I said, he just doesn't think about these things. So the next morning before we left on our trip, he secretly asked the girls to call me on Sunday. Well--we were out of the country, so that wouldn't exactly work. I kept waiting for Jane to at least text me, because we could get texts on wifi, but calls couldn't come through. Finally at 8pm Jane was texting J saying she tried to call me 12 times! He called her back on Skype to let me talk to them, but by that time I was a mess. It was the first year Kate didn't make me a card, and no text from Jane. I couldn't be upset at anyone other than myself though. They were trying.

Why do I care so much if I get acknowledged on Mother's Day? It shouldn't mean anything. It shouldn't be enough to make me cry while on vacation. I kept telling myself to get a grip and get over it. I started the day wishing every woman around me Happy Mother's Day, and that worked for a while, just to make other people smile. But I soon found out Mother's Day in Mexico wasn't until Tuesday--so really they were just laughing at me! Oh well. I got a picture and poem from Kate 3 days later, so I was fine then. I hope I handle it better next year.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Mother of the year

There is one weekend a year when bio mom and bio dad can be guaranteed to have their kids--Mother's Day and Father's Day. So then how in the world can bio mom possibly "forget" she would have them and schedule an out-of-town trip on Mother's Day? Are you kidding me? We've had a trip planned for months, because we knew we had no obligations that weekend. Then 2 weeks before, stepdad emails us to ask if we want the kids that weekend. I'm like, Seriously?? I would die to actually have them on Mother's Day! It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Too bad our Mexico trip is non-refundable. So they have to stay with friends or stepdad's mom--which they are not thrilled about. All the griping and whining that bio mom does that she misses her kids and doesn't see them enough--and then she plans to be away the one weekend a year that is set aside for moms to be with their kids. Unbelievable. Mother of the year award for her, please.