I have so much in my heart and head right now that I just need to get out. This will probably be the most random, unorganized post you've ever read because I'm just sorting through my thoughts as I type them!
The summer is going pretty well so far. We are always so busy in June. We have my husband's birthday and Father's Day, my birthday, and our anniversary to celebrate. (Let's not talk about how much weight I put on this month after all those treats!) The girls have been with me most of June so far, but will be away most of July at camps and vacation with their mom.
They have been doing really well with their behavior They are NOT nice to each other, but the amount of rudeness and mean comments to each other seems to be decreasing. I'm happy if they are just neutral. I don't force them to be kind, but I don't tolerate rudeness. We have to start somewhere! Maybe once they're in their 30's, they'll finally be friends!
If you've read my other posts, you know we're working with Jane on what's appropriate for her age, and what is too "adult-ish". We thought her mom was on-board and supportive with this, but Jane came over the other day with an adult women's magazine, and said her mom gave it to her so she could look at the pictures of stylish clothes. Well, I don't know how stuck in the sand bio-mom's head is, but I don't know a single 12-year old girl who would not read the articles about "How to spice up your sex life" and "10 ways to make your man find you irresistible" and so on. Unbelievable!! Why would she let her have that magazine? Then we also hear from Kate that Jane is allowed to watch the TV show Friends at her mom's house, which has tons of sex scenes and conversations in it. I don't want to HIDE sex from her and make it some big mystery that she's not allowed to know about, but at the same time, I don't want to FEED it to her all the time and give her access to all kinds of details she shouldn't know yet.
It's so frustrating when we try to set standards and boundaries for her here, and then there is no support at her other house. Her mom tries so hard to be a friend instead of a parent. It is also very hard to try to explain to her that we don't think she is old enough for things that her mom allows, without sounding negative about her mother.
Then Kate broke my heart last night and today saying she didn't want to go back to her mother's house. She wanted to stay with me. She curled up in the back seat in their driveway and said if they didn't see her, she didn't have to get out. Could I just take her back to our house. It made me so sad, because of course I would LOVE to take her home with me!! She had a bad dream about our pet Lab dying and was sobbing uncontrollably all morning, which made it even harder to make her leave. =(
My mom came to visit for a few days, and it was the first time the girls have really been able to spend time with her and get to know each other a little bit. It felt good to watch them just accept her for who she is and want to learn about her, and talk and play together. The girls loved hearing stories about how I behaved as a child and finding out why I'm such a "perfectionist" about things.
Everything else filling up my thoughts isn't related to being "stepmom" so I'll spare you all! Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!
This is a very common tale- you are not alone! Having two different sets of rules at BM's and your home is incredibly frustrating, both for you and the SK's. I don't even have a great answer for you either - just know that you are sticking to your guns on what is appropriate and what isn't, and you have every right to do that. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input Ruby! It helps just to know I'm not alone!
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