~Welcome to my personal story as a first time wife and stepmom. I use this space to share real life happenings in a blended family, funny stories, my personal frustrations, failures, and occasional victories as I journey through this life with two beautiful and challenging stepdaughters. Thanks for reading, and I hope you find something to help you have a better day!~

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

What I've learned...

I learned something this week--hopefully for the last time!

DON'T EVER EMAIL THE EX!

No matter what.

Even if you feel you need to be heard.

Even if you are just defending your husband.

No matter what she did.

No matter how bad it is.

No matter if you feel she needs to understand your hurt.

No matter if it kills you to keep quiet.

JUST DON'T EVER, EVER EMAIL HER TO SAY YOU'RE UPSET, TO GIVE YOUR OPINION, TO DISCUSS SOMETHING THAT BOTHERED YOU.

Just stop opening your mouth. Just drive the kids around and keep the house clean and food in their bellies. That's it.

It will just get turned around and explode in your face EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

You can't ever win with a manipulative narcissist.

DON'T DO IT.

9 comments:

  1. I just found and read your blog. It's funny how many of us SMs have such similar feelings and experiences. I have tried to talk to my skids BM a couple of times and it was ALWAYS turned around to make me a horrible monster. After 13 years, I am no longer trying. You can't argue with crazy!

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    1. Thanks for reading! It is sooo true. I've met a few other SM's through this blog, and we seem to all have the same feelings and problems!

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  2. Oh how I need to learn this one.. Just Thursday while on skype she did something that I texted her about just to speak with her regarding how he and I felt about it and I was told I was 'overreacting' needless to say it wasn't a good conversation.

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    1. Awww, I know how frustrating it is. It is ALWAYS our fault! Thanks for reading!

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  3. I am glad you said this. Part of me wants to send a letter to this woman, let her know how I feel, let her know that she's an absolute piece of trash for walking out on her kids the way she did, how she toys with their heads all the time, and still wants all the damn credit without lifting a finger. I am hoping that I won't ever have to because I'm hoping that when the kids turn 18 (the egg donor has supervised visitation until they turn 18), they will just turn their nose up at her and realize they just need to cut their losses and cut her right out of their lives. That would be validation enough. BUT . . until then . . yikes.

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  4. I have been tempted a few times but for your reasons, stopped myself. What is the point?!
    Unless she's directing her BS towards me, it's not my battle.

    Your hubby's ex sounds like my hubby's ex....oh the manipulation...how fun.

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    1. Thanks for reading and taking time to comment! Good point--it's really not about US even though it feels like it so many times!

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  5. I am enjoying reading your blog. As a SM of two teenage boys ( who my husband has custody over) because the ex is a physco sociopath I have tried to stay out of it and keep my mouth shut . However there are times I can't resist and I reply to the ex with a direct, non legally binding reply.. her "wonderful" responds with " Its none of your business and who asked your opinion". I just want to jump threw the phone and say" listen lady if it wasn't for your abusive behavior toward YOUR kids I wouldn't be raising them, so it is my business and maybe you should listen to my opinion".

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    1. Suzie Q, thank you for reading and commenting! I totally understand your frustration and where you are coming from! I've been trying more and more lately to stay out of everything that does not directly concern me, but yes--sometimes you just want to yell at stupid just to feel better! Hang in there!

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