~Welcome to my personal story as a first time wife and stepmom. I use this space to share real life happenings in a blended family, funny stories, my personal frustrations, failures, and occasional victories as I journey through this life with two beautiful and challenging stepdaughters. Thanks for reading, and I hope you find something to help you have a better day!~
Thursday, April 18, 2013
I have to learn a lesson
As Kate turned five and started kindergarten, she became more aware of the fact that she was expected to behave and be more responsible for her actions at daddy's house. She already figured out that daddy doesn't fall for the tears trick, and now she was being held accountable for other things. Yes, J does lay down the law and expect obedience. Yes, he is stricter than their mother, and always comes through on his word. If he threatens with a certain disciplinary action, you can bet it will happen. If he promises a reward, they get it. It took Kate a little while to figure this all out and understand that if daddy says "Stop playing with your food and eat it" that he means it. The same held true for "Go upstairs and brush your teeth" or "Pick up your toys", and the big one "Don't lie to me--I already know the truth." So Kate went through this phase of saying "Daddy is mean." This made me angry. Yes, angry. There were so many times I had to bite my tongue and count to ten, but you better believe she got a lecture every time I heard this out of her mouth. "You have the BEST daddy in the world, Kate. He loves you so much. He buys so many nice things for you. He takes you on really nice trips. He cooks for you, cleans, does your laundry, irons your clothes, brushes your hair, plays games! And so he wants you to listen. Does that make him MEAN? You are such a lucky girl to have this daddy. You don't understand it yet, but there are some really, really bad dads out there. Some kids don't even have a dad. Some kids have a dad that is in jail. Some kids get beaten by their dads. Some kids have a dad that ignores them and doesn't love them. YOUR dad is NONE of those things. I wish I had a dad like yours! He helps you with homework every night. He is at every single school function whether he has to take off work or not. He tucks you in bed every night and gives you kisses and hugs and tells you he loves you all throughout the day. How in the world can you think he is MEAN? If you don't listen to a dad like that, then something is wrong with YOU, not HIM!" Okay, yes, these lectures were a bit much for a five year old, I know. But like I said, it really, really gets me to hear her say that. The next time I heard her call him mean, I was in tears. I got so emotional and upset trying to explain to her how lucky she is, that I just gave up. A five year old just doesn't get it. I had to keep telling myself that she is too young to understand. I would have to let this battle go. It's not her fault that I have daddy issues. One day she will get it. I was overreacting and worried that this meant she would start resenting him and end up choosing later just to live with her mom and I know that would hurt J so much. But my going all psycho wouldn't help either. It's between Kate and J, not me, and I know that there is no way the love between them will ever go away. That's the security there is in being such a good dad. Your kids may wander for a time, but they will always come back because they KNOW there is acceptance and love there. I guess it was my turn to learn the lesson. Thanks, Kate.