Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Just another day in the life of a stepmom...
Sometimes there are no right answers.
Sometimes all the counseling and therapy in the world cannot help.
Sometimes killing with kindness is no longer an option.
Sometimes all the good intentions in the world fall short.
And sometimes, unfortunately the kids are caught in the middle.
What do you do? How do you protect the kids?
Apparently, for the past 3 or 4 weeks, the kids now get the guilt trip for to talking/texting me while at their mother's. The mother has even stopped responding to any emails or texts from me, but will respond right away to J. Kate informed me that their mother will cry and throw fits that "her feelings are hurt" if communication is made. I'm hurt for the kids, not myself. How can they learn the value of maturity or communication with this example? It hurts. And I'm left once again having to retreat into the shadows and pretend I'm non-existent until this little fit has blown over. The funny thing is, I don't even have a clue what started it or what I did to upset her this time. What makes me more sad is that Jane is too scared of upsetting her mom to even talk/text her daddy. It's just not fair to these girls.
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For me, I get into my most zen frame of mind, usually between the hours of 1:00 am and 5:30 am (the only time when the house is really quiet), and I repeat to myself that I do not control the world, and I can not protect my children from everything when they are away from me and with their other family members (unless it is illegal, of course).
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can do is the best I can while I have them. I can show my kids an alternate view of what maturity is, and I can talk to them about the fact that I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I want to keep a strong relationship with them. I've tried the shadows, for many years, and it just didn't work - mostly for me. So instead I work on keeping really open lines of communication (by mostly listening more than talking), recognizing and accepting that sometimes I will not get the quantity of time that I want, modeling really good coping skills, and showing them what I believe to be strong examples of a good woman, a good man, and a solid and healthy relationship. They will eventually learn those lesson (maybe through osmosis) in time.
All the best,
A.S. Noraford
www.blendedfamilysurvivalguide.com
Thanks so much for reading! I also find myself awake in the wee hours of the morning contemplating what I can do to better the situation. I like your ideas and what you have learned in your situation. Leading by example is always better than trying to force something. Thanks!!
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